Abusive marriages can take on many forms. Many people automatically think about physical abuse, but it’s also possible for the abuse to include:
- Keeping you isolated from family and friends
- Withholding money to control what you do
- Using food, medication and transportation as control mechanisms
- Shouting, insulting or similar behaviors to belittle you
If you need to leave an abusive marriage, safety for you and your children must be the priority. In the case of physical abuse, there might not be time to do anything except leave. But, if you’re safe for the moment and have time to plan, these tips may help you to leave in ways that can minimize your stress to some extent.
Set your safety plan
You need to have a safety plan for when you leave. This may include going to stay with a trusted loved one or friend. If neither of those is possible, start looking for a domestic violence shelter. As you’re setting these plans, you must remember that you need to go somewhere you know will be safe. This is especially true if there’s a chance your ex will try to contact you while you’re there.
Gather documents
Certain documents are important when you’re leaving a marriage. If you can gather these documents safely, grab them before you leave:
- Personal identification
- Marriage and birth certificates
- Home deed
- Vehicle title
- Mortgage and loan documents
- Credit card statements
- Bank and investment account statements
Copies of some of these might work, which may be safer since the originals would remain in place. That may not clue your ex into the fact that you’re considering walking away.
Get legal protection
Protective orders and temporary restraining orders can be important when you leave an abusive marriage. These forbid your abusive ex from having contact with you. They will be required to remain a specific distance away from you. If they violate these orders, they can be arrested and will face criminal charges.
You also need to ensure you have legal representation to assist you with your divorce. These cases are likely going to be contentious, so being prepared to handle everything from property division to child custody by seeking proper support is going to put you in a strong position to safeguard your interests as you move forward.